Challenge 1

CONCEPTION

It was June 2016. I’d been with my boyfriend two years and three months. I wanted a baby.

I used to want a baby in a primal, hormonal way, like an animal in heat. I’d think about trapping a man, they way other women jokingly/seriously tell you to. I wanted one, too, in this instincual way where I knew I’d be good at it, and it seemed like it needed to happen eventually. I wanted one because my biological clock was ticking louder and louder. I constantly told my boyfriend “I want one” in an immature and whiny way, because that’s how you convince a man to impregnate you, is to just be annoying about it.

In June 2016, I was 28. My clock wasn’t quite screaming at me, but it had certainly been getting louder since 25. We were in love. My boyfriend was 35 and while that’s not old for papahood these days, it’s not young either. So we...attempted to make a baby.

I, of course, obsessed over conceiving and scoured reddit and joined communities and read about 10,000 articles about conception, fertility, cycles, temping, etc. I’ve always used a period app to track my phone, so when I thought I was ovulating...we did it.

Nothing happened. Days went by. There were no twinges. There was no mysterious feeling that let me know I was currently the host for a fertilized egg that was burying itself into my uterine lining. I felt nothing. I’m, of course, granola enough to believe arrogantly that I’m rather attune with my body and I was “symptom spotting” the non symptoms of my first few weeks.

I went on Amazon and bought 25 pregnancy tests because I figured with approximately a 30% chance of conceiving each month (where did I get that? IDK) I’d need a few months. I reminded myself not to panic until month six. I talked to women on reddit about my non-symptoms. I commiserated wth other trying to conceive premoms and predads who just wanted to know their family was going to grow.

I found out 12dpo (days post ovulation) that I was pregnant. Here is the extremely romantic moment of telling my boyfriend. “Boyfriend’s Name, does this look like two lines to you?” It was SO FAINT, that line. It got darker each day.

I want to be the kind of woman who is relaxed and calm, trusting in my body, which I’m beautifullly attuned to, to do it’s fertile magic, tree of life style. Who needs obsessive reading online, and ovulation tracking and 25 pregnancy tests (It’s cheaper in bulk, right?) ? Not me, I’m a natural momma/woman and I’ve got this.

Ha. I’m mostly granola ,but I’m lacking in a few areas, I guess……