Challenge 3

BIRTH

I had some ideas for pregnancy posts, so I’m skipping mom challenge 2, because that’s 100 different pregnancy related things and posted by birth story. AND I wrote this about a week after he was born, so it may be a little off to read, but here it is. #birthstory

Cormac was 7lbs 14oz and delivered in a tub! He came March 16th, almost noon, at 41+3. I was very impatient (because wtf, baby. Show up!) because I had no signs of labor until March 14 but then I was in early labor for that whole night and day of the 15th, really destroying my energy levels and I'm sure prolonging the active phase.

 Things got really intense around 6pm on the 15th. Contractions 3 minutes apart, lasting 45 seconds. I labored at home like that until 1:30am, when contractions were 2-3 minutes apart but FINALLY getting longer, between 60-70 seconds. I thought that meant I'd only have maybe 5-6 hours before baby! Haha. Nope. 1:30 am until 10:30 am was the most painful. Just nonstop contractions basically, about 30 second breaks in between. I labored in the shower for a few hours. Then the tub. I was worried the water would slow things down but it didn't. In the tub was the only time I could TRY and relax and help the contractions work faster. I was just tensing up against them.

 It was so hard. I also was SO LOUD. I managed usually to turn my screams into deep, more productive moaning sounds like midwife was telling me, but sometimes I just screamed. I never asked for meds, which weren't available anyway, unless I transferred to the hospital, but I did sort of think sometimes that maybe I couldn't do it and would have to be transferred to sleep because I'd just not ever get anywhere. But midwife kept telling me I was making progress. Such slow seeming progress. Midwife kept suggesting I squat but it hurt wayyyy too much so I mostly labored on my back in the tub.

Now the pushing. The pushing phase was so different. The contractions didn't seem to hurt anymore. Midwife said I'd know when it was time to bear down and push, but I kinda didn't at first. I think I was worried I'd push too soon and I've heard horror stories about that (Starburst cervical tear, anyone?). So then I felt the urge and I pushed. Then I just contracted. It took a while to find a good position. I squated in the tub, then I put my feet up on something. I used husband's hands as counter pressure. I pushed for only 38 minutes. Every time I felt his head slip partially out and in I was discouraged, but midwives were so encouraging, saying it was more everytime and I could do it. I also thought at least slow progression meant I was less likely to tear. It felt slow, of course, but 38 minutes is pretty quick. His head came out, his body was easy comparatively. It was also satisfying to push, but exhausting. It was the only empowering part of the labor at the time.

Then I held him, he was out. His cord was pulsing and it was barely long enough for him to be in my arms. I kinda wanted it out, because it was putting pressure on a tear. Placenta pushing was not fun, but no big deal. Out it came. Husband cut cord. Then held him. Most amazing moment wasn't me holding him, I was kinda in shock. It was husband holding him, so full of love in his eyes, completely enamored. I cried then. I was now in a tub of blood.

We went home at 3:00 pm. It was three hours where I peed, was sutured for at least four small tears. No, seriously. I'm not sure how many tears. Labia, bottom, top, and right, but midwife said some were too small to stitch. They are all small and none needed more than two sutures. It burns when I pee so I just step on the shower and use the wand because that burns less than the peri bottle. Also, I hate the toilet after miserably laboring on it. I started taking psyllium husk to soften stool and it worked great. Pooping I just waited and relaxed and the psyllium made it gelatinous and so it wasn't a big deal.

Now, nursing is so hard. And not having milk til day three was straight up traumatizing.Poor mommas that take longer, or it doesn’t happen at all.  My baby seemed hungry and miserable. When my milk came in he cluster fed all night and I thought I was going to lose it. I have really big boobs, bigger than baby's sweet head and I have to use a hand to shape my nipple and it was so hard to get a good latch, but the learning curve picked up quick and it got easier by night four. Also, we coslept last night. The night before I was so tired and he wouldn't stop nursing and I couldn't figure out how to latch him where I was comfortable and I couldnt figure out side lying and so I got delirious and accidentally clunked his head too hard on my chest and scratched his face and generally started being less with it and capable of caring for him. Last night he actually got nursed every two hours and I still feel human. My midwife actually told me to cosleep and while I understand there are risks, I think it's going to be my strategy for survival.