PREGNANCY SPOTTING
The internet can’t dispense medical advice, y’all. Then why did I ask the internet about my pregnancy spotting? My inability to allow myself to feel as helpless as the bleeding was making me feel. I had found a birth center. I met the midwife the same week I was spotting. She more or less shrugged, told me it’s kind of a “we’ll see” situation.
From weeks six-eight I bled a bit almost every day. I felt so sad about it, so sure, based on the stories surfacing about miscarriage and how common it really is, that the end was here for this pregnancy. I was telling myself it was OK to lose this baby.
The internet was telling me that I’d have to wait and see. Sometimes spotting is fine. Reflecting back, I think that a lot of women did tell me anecdotally that they’d had this happen. Spotting is “common,” says Dr. Internet. Spotting can be harmless. Implantation bleeding.
My soothing boyfriend didn’t show his worry. Perhaps he wasn’t attached to the idea yet. I was attached. I was picturing the tiny ball of cells, mostly replaying the opening scene of Look Who’s Talking. I was already ready with the baby app, Ovia, checking out how big my tiny creature was compared to other tiny creatures. Attached.
I didn’t lose my baby. I wish I could’ve been a bit more zen about the whole thing.
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